apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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