im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
