they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
