I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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