Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize