There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
