Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
