Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize