fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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