OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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