omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
