How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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