never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
