He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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