Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
