why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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