I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
