Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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