Sry I called you an 8
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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