i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
