So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
