I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
