Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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