I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
