hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
