I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
