I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
