I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
