So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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