i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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