You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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