I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
