Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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