woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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