There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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