Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
