My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
