Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
