Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
