I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
