she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize