wake up i wanna do it froggy style
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize