Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm too high and old for this...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize