I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i think i just lost a toe
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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