DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
