Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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