new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
