Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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