I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
