the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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