Umm I'm too high to move.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
