I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
