She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
