There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
