If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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