Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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