yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
