she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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