I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
