you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
