im holly from the hills drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
