Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am one with the molecules
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
