Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
