We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
