he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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