Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
