I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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