His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
