no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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