i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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