We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
