you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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