Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish you could order shots online.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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