he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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