We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
