i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
