We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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