It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
