Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
