YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
