In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
