If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
