Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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