Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
