if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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