I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
