so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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