How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
