TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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