i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
