I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
