Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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