don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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