I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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