idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
