Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
