meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
