I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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