I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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