just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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