No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
