Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
