I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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