2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
